Autoethnography. I’ve heard the term, but I really don’t understand the term, let alone the technique, err methodology? Thanks to my close friend and colleague, I have a vague understanding of the word and what it is, because she worked with Mark and a few others to develop and perform a spoken word performance—is that even the right word for what they did?—that was an autoethnography of what it was like to teach a service-learning course. Well, needless to say, I loved that performance, and I’m not just saying that because both her and Mark will be reading this, I really did love that performance. It spoke to me on so many different levels, even though my actual experience of actually teaching a solo service-learning course is very few and very far between. Nevertheless, as a community engagement professional—yes I’m fully embracing this as MY identity—it still spoke to me. Anyway, enough about their autoethnography, this is supposed to be an autoethnography about MY experience…
Nine months ago, I sat in the middle of a banquet room in the basement of a state park inn located in central Indiana. The room was sparsely furnished and reminded me more of a community center in my hometown in northern Illinois than of a banquet room, but that’s neither here nor there. It was day one of the Faculty Fellows retreat of what I was thinking of as my very own Fellow class. Yes, I had worked with last year’s class of Fellows and had enjoyed every minute of it, but I had come on board halfway through the year so it never really felt like MY class of Fellows. My nerves were on edge because I had already forgotten to bring our projector, as I thought the Inn would be supplying one, but luckily I at least knew everyone who would be in the Class—at least in passing—how bad could it really be?
Fast forward through the retreat, which was going well, everyone was getting along great and it seemed like this group would be long-time colleagues and even friends, with talks of group hikes and rock climbing trips, and bonding over the shared love of pie—yes we managed to include dessert with every meal we ate over the course of the two-day Retreat. I had been warned that the biggest hurdle to tackle during the Retreat was the selection of a Fellows Group Project—the scholarly project we would work throughout the year with the goal of some sort of presentation or publication or other tool or piece being creative at the culmination of the year. Talks of a group project seemed to be gravitating towards the broad topic of critical service-learning, as this had become one of the hot topics in “the field” in the past few years—we had even managed to have Tania Mitchell speak at our Service Engagement Summit the previous March. Everyone seemed interested but it was time for our 2-mile hike, yes in July(!), so further discussion on the topic would have to wait just a little longer. As I getting myself prepared for the hike—there is some preparation all plus-sized women must do when hiking in 80-plus degree weather—I’ll spare you all the details. But, I was definitely thinking at this point ‘what was I thinking, why didn’t I just go with the shorter stroll around the grounds?’ At any rate, we set off down the path and after a short while our group begins to split a bit with Tina, Mark and I talking more about our knowledge and experiences Critical Service-Learning and further still its connection to Critical Theory. At times, I can hear Jennifer and Lindsey’s discussion and their lack of familiarity (uncomfortableness/ hesitation) on the subject. But, the more we hiked and the discussions progressed the more excited Tina and Mark got about the idea of focusing on CSL.
The 2-mile hike actually turned into a 3-plus mile hike when we took a bit of a wrong turn and there was a point when ascending a slight incline that I thought I wasn’t going to make it—ok not really, but again I questioned my sanity of hiking in July with a group of people who were one, in considerably better shape than I, and two, seemed to hike a bit more than I did and on a bit more challenging trails than the neighborhood park paths I was used to. Oh and then there is the consideration that I am supposed to be “professional” and somehow sweating profusely doesn’t equal professional, but I guess I couldn’t worry about that now, could I.
As we returned to the Inn, we gathered back in the basement to discuss the project and plan out the next 10-months of work. Tina and Mark laid out their idea for a Critical Service-Learning Toolkit and how it could also examine the connections to various Critical Theories—because as discussed on the hike there are many types, many of which were news to me. Jennifer proclaims how ‘this is a great idea’ but that she isn’t sure how much she can contribute besides testing the toolkit in her course as she doesn’t have much knowledge in the area of CSL let alone Critical Theory, which Lindsey nodding her head in agreement. I sit there letting this all unfold in front of me all the while thinking, ‘yes a CSL Toolkit, this is sooo needed in the field and would be great for ICC and the Fellows. I know some stuff, maybe enough to be dangerous, but not nearly enough—where do I start looking? And Critical Theory, um ya, no, no clue there!’ I chime in eagerly, I think this could be great, a Toolkit to help faculty who want to incorporate CSL but don’t know where to even get started. Jennifer and Lindsey, that’s really where you are, right, so you do have a lot to contribute! Mark you seem to know quite a bit about this already, and Tina and I know some, maybe we can share some articles tonight and come back tomorrow and discuss more?” So, that was the plan, a few of Tania Mitchell and Robin DiAngelo’s articles were shared via our group Dropbox and the rest is so to say history, right.
Fast forward a few months, I’ve read about half of the articles shared on CSL and Critical Theory and at times I feel like my head still is spinning when I read them because either the jargon is just too…much or I feel like I’m reading the same thing over and over. I’m resigned to stick to the few essential articles that I can grasp and fully understand, and actually apply, and move onto other topics of the project—the scales which I do enjoy, well the concept behind more so than the actual statistical analysis, because let’s be honest here, it’s been 10 years since my research stats class—nuff said—and give me qualitative research any day! But, what really gets me excited is the discussion we have had around the spectrum model of this work. That I get. That I understand. That excites me. I can visualize it; I can see how it could be implemented and see how useful it could be in helping other move from one pedagogy to another as they approach CSL and social change WITH the communities they are engaged with. The language we have been using these past several months has been the language I have been growing into for the past several years, but never knew how to articulate. These reading and this project has helped me to bring that language to the forefront. I can see how much I have grown as a practitioner in the past 10-months as well as in the past 5 years, let alone the past 9-years. I may not teach service-learning courses or CSL courses, but I view myself as a practitioner working to teach (and support) others who are teaching SL and CSL courses and for that reason this Toolkit and these articles and this project has been just as valuable and important for me.